people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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