WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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