fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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