You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
