I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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