Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And then my night got REAL pukey
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
