There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
