Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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