I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I lost the right to judge tonight
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
