I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
