I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
