dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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