my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
