whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
