I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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