ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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