it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
