I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
