Rock
Scissors
Fuck
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
