Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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