haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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