I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
