Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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