i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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