I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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