Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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