well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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