dude i'm inner monologue high
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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