I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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