I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
