I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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