I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
