there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
me + whiskey = a bad person
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
