Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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