neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
