I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
