I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
