dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
