I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
