a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
