I just saw a hot homeless man
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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