It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
