yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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