Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
