I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
