Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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