He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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