Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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