used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
