i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
