I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
