I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
