Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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