I'm drive I can fine osifer
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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