Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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