if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
