Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
