I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
