Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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