Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
