Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
