there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
