Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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