Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
