i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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