I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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