YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
